Leadership Coach & Facilitator 
The Year of Living Fiercely
November 2, 2017
I had been merrily going about my life this year – as merrily as one can, given political and natural calamities – doing things like getting my hips replaced, starting a blog, becoming an American citizen, facilitating difficult conversations, etc., when suddenly, I see a brand new road enter my vision.
It is most definitely a new kind of road, bulldozed as it has been, exclusively by women, for women. As I go about my daily routine, I see the road getting wider and more populated, with more women, some famous, walking or marching down the path. Many are holding hands or traveling in groups.
At some point, the road acquires a name: #MeToo.
The women look like superheroes. I’ve never seen a road like this. Come to think of it, well yes, I saw it at the Women’s March. It’s an awesome sight. It sends shivers down my spine.
I post on Facebook, #MeToo, as a show of support and solidarity. I write something to the effect that I, too, have been “there,” and that I think the women who are coming forward are brave. A lot of my Facebook friends do the same. Some women offer details of their experiences, others do not. Some men offer words of support.
Many women stay on the social media sidelines. I understand. This is such a personal choice. Even though I have experienced flagrant harassment by men I have worked for and with, I have not offered details.
One part of me wants to, not for revenge – but for justice. I want to break the silence, to stop the harm and the violence. I want to do so without apology or shame. Time has never been more ripe or right to step forward, to reclaim what had been stripped from us: our sense of self-worth, our sense of safety, our dignity. (I wonder if Clarence Thomas would reach the Supreme Court if the Senate confirmation hearings and Anita Hill’s testimony were to take place today.)
Another part of me wants more than anything to safeguard my privacy, to protect my precious life as I presently know it. I’ve expended enough energy in preserving myself in the face of constant harassment, and then in picking up broken pieces of myself in the aftermath and putting them back together.
Did it take guts even just to post #MeToo? (Absolutely!) Was that enough? Do I owe it to the sisterhood to tell more? What is there to be gained? Am I prepared to risk personal backlash? Such are the questions with which those of us with a story and a conscience must wrestle, when the personal becomes the political. What is to be done?
There is a metaphor which I use in coaching when there are more questions than answers: When you are driving and come to a place where visibility is poor, say, because of a heavy fog (uncertainty, confusion, turmoil), you need to slow way down… and feel your way forward, but very tentatively. To forge ahead blindly is the opposite of leadership, a sure recipe for an accident, a wreckage. The best course of action is to pull to the side of the road to somewhere safe, to stop the engine, to sit still and to wait. Wait until the fog clears – it always does – so you can see with clear eyes the terrain ahead and decide which course to take. And then you can forge ahead, with full steam.
I can see my fog clearing soon. Meanwhile, we’ve really come a long way, baby. Brava! to all of us for overcoming, for reclaiming, and for living fiercely – each in our own way.
Thank you, Wafa, for your constant support!
Thank you for this thoughtful genuine blog and the driving in the fog metaphor.
Thank you, Bruce, for your compassion, empathy and support. It didn’t kill me and it made me stronger, that’s for certain. I’m both mortified at what’s happening in our country AND elated with la résistance!
Cate, I so resonate with everything you say. We – all of us – must look after one another. And raising a generation of sensitized boys and girls would be a huge step forward. We each of us need to be the change. Bon courage and love!
Yes, thank you for giving us your always-thoughtful thoughts Atsuko. The exhaustion that comes from putting yourself back together after the exhaustion that comes from being harassed (I imagine it’s that awful post-adrenaline feeling)…and then to summon up the energy to rejoin the fight in public…to Amit’s respect I add, for me, a newfound understanding of the toll of being subject to the vagaries and entitlements of the dominant. All I can say is keep driving, but pull off to rest when you need to!
Wonderfully, wonderfully said Atsuko!! You speak for so many of us. I believe #MeToo is the birth of a new era for women and it’s been too long in coming. There is strength and safety in numbers. Women need to continue (start?) supporting each other. We need to support and educate our daughters AND our sons. The brighter we shine a light on the stigma of sexual abuse and sexual harassment, the sooner we can all move out of the shadow of shame and secrecy. Your bolg is one of those bright lights!!
Thank you, thank you, Jeannie. Yes, we have to raise the baseline of what we expect/demand in the realm of respect. I know the generations behind are doing this. As Dr. Phil says, “we teach people how to treat us.” I love reconnecting with you here!
Love, love, love this entry Atsuko! May this turn into the ‘living fiercely from now on’ era for all of us. More than high time that we learn to turn fear and loathing away from ourselves and demand/expect respect. Also love your ‘driving in the fog’ example. Will keep looking for more coaching guidance from your blog (which, did I mention, I ❤️?). Jeannie Yamine
Thank you, Amit, for being the man we seek in all the men in our lives. And thank you for always reading my blog!
A wonderful and heartfelt piece. As a man, I am standing in the sidelines, but I am cheering the women who have come forward on this difficult subject. One word keeps resonating in my mind “Respect”. That is what the perpetrators lacked, and that is what you and several other women have reclaimed today.